Saturday, October 23, 2010
Galaxy
The T.v ad for Galaxy, the famous chocolate company, is very attractive. It is a nice ad with interesting people. It also holds viewers’ attentionto to buy this chocolate. When you watch the ad, you wil get the message that Galaxy is delicious and tasty. It is very effective and attractive ad, bacause it makes me really want to buy that chocolate.
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Hi, Sara. Thanks for posting the 3rd draft of your paragraph.
ReplyDeleteThe following are some mistakes I noticed in your paragraph and their corrected versions:
- The T.v ad = The TV commercial.
- the famous chocolate company = the famous chocolate bar.
- It is a nice ad = It is a nice commercial.
- It also holds viewers’ attention to buy this chocolate = It also holds viewers’ attention and makes them want to buy this chocolate.
- you wil get the message = you will get the message.
It is very effective and attractive ad, bacause it makes me really want to buy that chocolate = It is a very effective TV commercial because it makes me want to buy a Galaxy bar every time I watch it.
Hope this is helpful..
Thank you for your useful comment
ReplyDeleteI will try to do better next time :)